The universe has been kind enough lately to allow me to spend more time with friends and you know I am not taking that for granted, girl. I know I may seem like a mean, tough person on the outside with my RBF but I will always adore my friends and treasure our usually short but deep conversations and unplanned therapy sessions, like so:
Love 001
One late afternoon in the middle of a not-so-busy gas station over some halo-halo, a friend asked out of the blue: Paano mo ba nasabing in love ka? (How can you tell that you're in love?) with a genuinely curious tone. And I just want to circle back on that because I don't think I was able to give her a satisfying answer. I love questions that make me think and I figured this was a great opportunity to share some thoughts.
As a newly engaged person (and this is still sinking in btw), I tried to put it simply for someone who claims to have "never experienced being in love before." When I started making plans with my person because I wanted to experience life with him by my side, I think that's when I knew. For the longest time, I didn't mind being alone (and I still don't) but life is just more fun with him around. It was pretty simple and surprisingly so easy.
However, I wanted to add why I chose to love that person because contrary to popular belief, falling in love is a choice. It doesn't just happen. It's something you choose to do every day. And to all my single friends reading this, I hope you aim for this type of love more than anything:
There is no one that calms my nervous system down like he does and he doesn't even try.
I know, I know. I must have read or heard that line somewhere in the internet but that perfectly sums it all up. Imagine getting home after a long tiring day, something you always look forward to at the end of the day. Think of a safe space where you can unapologetically be you without any fear of judgment or doubt. And then imagine it being a person; there's just no other way to put it. (Shoutout to my #1 fan, I love you!)
In this loud chaotic world, love is the one thing that should never cause anxiety, stress or violence within. Like I always tell my friends even though I may sound like a broken record, it should come easy. Any relationship that starts off feeling forced, affects your peace of mind, or just weird in a bad way (always check the vibe and trust your gut!) is almost always bound to fail. Choose your battles wisely.
Going back to our halo-halo convo, of course I proceeded to lecture them about the dangers of having ~butterflies in the stomach~ and feeling drunk/high in "love" and how books and movies always portray those scenarios as examples of true love when in fact they're just signs of infatuation and will eventually die down. I mean, we each have our own idea of what love is supposed to be like but just beware of chasing the wrong signs, okay?
Although, yes, I will admit that after a few heartbreaks I absolutely understand how good it feels to be so wrong (cue Hero/Heroine by Boys Like Girls) which brings me to a different conversation with another friend of mine:
Heartbreak 001
As I drive through the streets of the city, my longtime friend shares his coping mechanisms after his first heartbreak.
Ganun pala yun, alam ko na 'yung feeling mo dati nung hirap na hirap ka makipag-hiwalay. (Now I understand how you felt back then when you couldn't break it off.)
It's different pag ikaw na yung nandiyan 'di ba? You know deep down what you should do but for some reason you just can't, I said.
(For me, I figured out later on that I was just attached—another thing everyone should be wary of; not to be mistaken with being in love)
Apparently we've gone through similar experiences during our heartbreaks so we dwelled on it a bit, exchanging notes like proper students—the stabbing pain upon waking up and immediately feeling sad and hopeless, the unexpected tears when you're reminded by even the slightest memories, the what-ifs and every imaginable scenario playing in your head over and over until you get tired and fall asleep only to wake up and do it all over again.
I'm blessed to be able to get out of it with my sanity intact but it still feels awful when someone close to you is going through it because it's just that: Their only way out is through. I would have cried if I wasn't focusing on avoiding the craters and potholes on the street but I can only hope that I was somehow able to offer comfort and validation that it, too, shall pass.
And to that, I say this with utmost fervor: Fuck that phase and whoever put us through it.
Looking on the bright side, it's admirable how brave and sensible my friend is despite everything and for a first timer, he's definitely smarter than I used to be so I'm confident that he's going to get through this wiser and stronger than ever. Until then, we'll be right here rooting for him and everyone else going through the same thing. Trust me, it will pass. x
😍✨
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