Confessions, Part II

Wow, two months into 2020 and I'm already breaking my Personal Goals list by not updating this site at least once a month! I surprise myself sometimes (n o t) but I hope you've had a lovely introduction this first quarter, reader. I know, January was heavy and lasted for probably 10 years LOL but I guess we're back to regular programming now - it's freaking March already! Possibly the reason why I'm being more anxious than usual. My brain seems to like wandering all over the place lately which temporarily sends me to this black hole where I keep on getting lost... you know what I mean? No?

Anyway, so I decided to jot it down in my mental notebook. Doodle it on the first scratch paper I can find on my desk or something. 

 01

I was staring outside the window, drinking my warm water, looking through the morning cityscape. The man cleaning the hotel windows; the lady strolling on the sidewalk with her blue umbrella; the kid shuffling through her books because she's late for class (okay, I couldn't see this from where I stand but someone out there was probably running late!) And then I realized: There are millions of people out there going through their day and hustling through life right here, right now, and you're letting that one person dictate your emotion and direction in life? Fucking ridiculous. No one should be in control but you.

02 

I've had way too many regrets at 28 but looking back on everything that I left last year, you're the one thing I won't ever regret leaving behind. It was a revelation given how long we've known each other, yet it all makes sense since it's been a one-sided relationship for years. Cutting you off made me see how much value you bring into my life (which was close to none btw) and I wish I could feel some sense of guilt, which I don't. But hey, I hope you have a great life. Oh, and I'd like to have my dress back.

03

Solitude is way underrated. Lately, I've been finding myself enjoying my time alone more than spending it with other people, which may be weird for some. But it is what's keeping my sanity intact nowadays. With all the unnecessary drama and chaos circulating outside, I choose not to waste my energy on any of that. Heck, I barely even watch/read the news now - probably an effect of reading too much self-help, huh. But  I've got to say, you gotta love the productive, introvert life.

04

The other day I woke up and I didn't think of you. I felt free and I thought, FINALLY. I've prayed over and over to get to that point and I gave myself an ultimatum of 2 years. Boy, the power I allowed you to have over me for so long, living like every decision I've made is somehow linked to you. I have 4 months left now and I'm positive we'll get there soon. I'd like to thank all of my friends and confidantes for helping me get through this.

05

Feeling kind of sad with all the growing apart and growing up with the closest people in my life right now but I've been trying to live by this: I may never get used to sudden changes but I will always accept and welcome growth. I may need constant reminding though because I tend to be complacent at times. Jeez, navigating adulthood is hard af, eh?

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By the way, I finally got to cover He Is We's Happily Ever After, in case you haven't heard. Feedbacks will be well appreciated! I know, falsetto isn't my strongest suit. I'm still learning so please bear with me.

I do a bunch of covers too on Soundcloud, if you feel like listening to some acoustic jams. Billie Eilish is up next! ;) x