What, you think I'll let 2018 pass by without saying anything? :)
Here's the thing: Every moment we let something wrong happen without doing anything about it, we contribute to normalizing it. Every single day we choose to shut up about it, somebody else somewhere is being attacked and taken advantage of.
If you are my friend and you happen to know what I'm talking about here, thank you for standing by me through all this. It was probably the most depressing phase of my year and I am beyond grateful that you've stuck with me. If you just happen to stumble on this post for whatever reason, I will try to make as much sense to you as I can.
This is a story about an almost, the one that's both the best and the worst kind, if you know what I mean.
***
So, imagine this. For over two years you've worked on getting to know someone. Someone you haven't really spent time with before but you've known for a really long time. A friend of a friend / an old schoolmate / this kid you've known from summer camp - something like that. Everyday you've been part of each other's daily routine, sharing almost everything from celebrity gossip and new music to personal stories, dreams and future plans. There's just one catch: They live on the other side of the world. It didn't matter though (thanks, internet!), it was nice to find a really good friend you'll click with despite the circumstance.
Then just weeks before they come home, everything suddenly goes cold and, surprise surprise, you stop hearing from them altogether.
No, this isn't my first rodeo and I thought I've been prepared, but apparently you can never prepare enough for something like this. I know it was my choice to trust and share everything that I did. Maybe I just couldn't believe that the other person (any person, for that matter) is actually capable of doing such a thing after all the time and energy invested in whatever I thought this was.
Can everything be this clear from the beginning so we can all save our time?
Anyway, try removing the *~romantic~* angle from this story. I guess what I'm really upset about is losing the friendship and feeling like a secret not worth telling. I never asked to date or be dated but I expected respect from someone who I really thought deserved it. It's just extremely sad how it all went down, having no clue what even happened in the first place.
It's been five months since and I've let it simmer, absorbing it and learning as much as I can from it. I figured I just couldn't leave it like that. It mattered too much to me to just allow it to be forgotten and I'm not embarrassed or scared to admit that.
To you:
Dick move for someone who claims to be "mature and better" than them other men. How ironic is that. But hey, this is not me holding grudges or spreading hate, I'm way past that although it's pretty easy for me to take that road. This is just me reminding you that you're no saint and you're not perfect no matter how hard you try to be. You can do your best to forget me, ignore me, run as far as you can and pretend that nothing ever happened but I am not a mere idea that you can easily shake off and suppress. Let it haunt you until you can actually admit to yourself that you were wrong. I mean, come on, you're the one who goes to church on Sundays. Again, how ironic.
***
No, this isn't my first rodeo and I thought I've been prepared, but apparently you can never prepare enough for something like this. I know it was my choice to trust and share everything that I did. Maybe I just couldn't believe that the other person (any person, for that matter) is actually capable of doing such a thing after all the time and energy invested in whatever I thought this was.
"Hey! Tell me how your day went, who's your favorite band, what's your favorite comfort food? Take care on your way home, okay? I should drive you around when I get back. Try this really good series I just started - I hope we can watch it together soon! I swear, I wasn't just bored otherwise this wouldn't last as long as it did. Let's talk for hours and tell me everything that you're thinking so I can make you believe that I truly, genuinely care before I decide that I no longer want to talk to you again, hehe. ;)"
Can everything be this clear from the beginning so we can all save our time?
Anyway, try removing the *~romantic~* angle from this story. I guess what I'm really upset about is losing the friendship and feeling like a secret not worth telling. I never asked to date or be dated but I expected respect from someone who I really thought deserved it. It's just extremely sad how it all went down, having no clue what even happened in the first place.
It's been five months since and I've let it simmer, absorbing it and learning as much as I can from it. I figured I just couldn't leave it like that. It mattered too much to me to just allow it to be forgotten and I'm not embarrassed or scared to admit that.
***
(image used as wallpaper, found on Google)
To you:
Dick move for someone who claims to be "mature and better" than them other men. How ironic is that. But hey, this is not me holding grudges or spreading hate, I'm way past that although it's pretty easy for me to take that road. This is just me reminding you that you're no saint and you're not perfect no matter how hard you try to be. You can do your best to forget me, ignore me, run as far as you can and pretend that nothing ever happened but I am not a mere idea that you can easily shake off and suppress. Let it haunt you until you can actually admit to yourself that you were wrong. I mean, come on, you're the one who goes to church on Sundays. Again, how ironic.
Sure, it was fun while it lasted. And I could say that I wish you happiness and all the best but then I won't really mean it, would I?
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